As every fan of watching things on screens is aware, the Writers Guild of America (WGA) has struck, or perhaps stricken, against the Alliance of Motion Picture, Television, and Made-For-Television Motion Picture Producers (AMPTMFTMPP).

As WGA members, we vow not to commit any of our brilliant ideas to the page until the studios capitulate to our demands. We refuse to draw upon our vast creative resources, which include one shared copy of Final Draft software and a vocabulary chock full of words like "capitulate," "chock full," and "lest." Lest America forget what it's missing out on, here’s WHAT WE’RE NOT WRITING today:

(To tell the world what you're not writing during the strike, click here.)

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

"Easy Enchilada Casserole"

Adapted from a recipe.

4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves on spring break in Cancun suddenly find themselves mixed up with 3 cups of salsa and a wisecracking can of cream of chicken soup. Together the gang jumps into a 9x13 baking dish and hits the road, where in no time they're layered with 12 sexy young tortillas and 4 promiscuous cups of shredded Monterey Jack cheese. Then things really heat up -- to 350 degrees for 55 minutes! (Movie would've been enjoyed by 8 to 10.)

Monday, February 11, 2008

"Fists Of Feet"

A martial arts expert seeks revenge on the twisted transplant surgeon who wronged him.

Friday, February 8, 2008


A special episode of “Wet/Dry” in which Officers McMurtry and Davis bring in tree whisperer Jack Killian and U.S.-born Nigel Devonshire to help solve the case of a promising young high school baseball player killed in a botched heroin deal behind a bowling alley. Using whichever pieces of evidence have not already been swallowed by the district’s leading forensics experts, the team tracks the case from the world of commercial refrigeration to a surprisingly upbeat tenement house, interrogating everyone from a grieving, caffeine-addicted couple to one remarkably gay family. When an off-camera explosion threatens to scuttle the entire investigation, they’ll need the help of Ronny Keane, some avid reality TV fans, a computer lady and a car guy, a parrot in a wig, the governor’s butler, a blandly attractive set of quintuplets, a group of horny New Yorkers, and a really funny payroll guy who works with Uncle Gene. Not to mention, of course, a manephant.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

"Cookies & Chrome"

Sitcom. A prim website administrator is forced to move in with a boorish auto restorer. Looks like she's going to have to reset her Privacy settings!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

"Vaguely Romantic"

A roughly 30-ish woman, who has some kind of character flaw or unfulfilled need, meets a man who seems completely wrong for her for some reason. But when they find themselves in a situation together (not this, but something like a month-long Alaskan cruise), they end up falling in... well, let's say "love" as a placeholder.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

"Squarin' Off"

A flashy, trash-talking street player crashes the stuffy, elite world of the Four-Square Nationals. Ever seen a 360 Popcorn-Bus Stop combo? Well, guess what, son -- while you were trying to figure out if those moves were "regulation", you just got Shoeshined!

Monday, February 4, 2008

"Rita Wilson's War"

The story of a woman who uses creative thinking and a little political wheeling-and-dealing in a clandestine effort to get Tom to shut up about the astronauts already.

Friday, February 1, 2008


Feature. When Air Force One is struck by lightning, cynical President Kyle Blevins is incinerated -- except for his tongue, which is brought back to life by government scientists, and goes on to speak the truth about America in a way his full-bodied self never could.