Adapted from a recipe.
4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves on spring break in Cancun suddenly find themselves mixed up with 3 cups of salsa and a wisecracking can of cream of chicken soup. Together the gang jumps into a 9x13 baking dish and hits the road, where in no time they're layered with 12 sexy young tortillas and 4 promiscuous cups of shredded Monterey Jack cheese. Then things really heat up -- to 350 degrees for 55 minutes! (Movie would've been enjoyed by 8 to 10.)
A special episode of “Wet/Dry” in which Officers McMurtry and Davis bring in tree whisperer Jack Killian and U.S.-born Nigel Devonshire to help solve the case of a promising young high school baseball player killed in a botched heroin deal behind a bowling alley. Using whichever pieces of evidence have not already been swallowed by the district’s leading forensics experts, the team tracks the case from the world of commercial refrigeration to a surprisingly upbeat tenement house, interrogating everyone from a grieving, caffeine-addicted couple to one remarkably gay family. When an off-camera explosion threatens to scuttle the entire investigation, they’ll need the help of Ronny Keane, some avid reality TV fans, a computer lady and a car guy, a parrot in a wig, the governor’s butler, a blandly attractive set of quintuplets, a group of horny New Yorkers, and a really funny payroll guy who works with Uncle Gene. Not to mention, of course, a manephant.
A roughly 30-ish woman, who has some kind of character flaw or unfulfilled need, meets a man who seems completely wrong for her for some reason. But when they find themselves in a situation together (not this, but something like a month-long Alaskan cruise), they end up falling in... well, let's say "love" as a placeholder.
Feature. When Air Force One is struck by lightning, cynical President Kyle Blevins is incinerated -- except for his tongue, which is brought back to life by government scientists, and goes on to speak the truth about America in a way his full-bodied self never could.
Nature documentary about the life cycle of the European sandworm that probably wouldn’t have sold, but definitely wouldn’t have sold if we called it “The Life Cycle Of The European Sandworm.”
Sitcom. To save money, a newlywed couple shares a house with the bride's four identical quintuplet sisters. (With the help of computer trickery, all five women would have been played by "Meet The Parents" star Teri Polo.)
Inspired by The Bucket List. A terminally ill man vows to order every item on the Cheesecake Factory menu before he dies.
Animated feature about three "plucky" chickens who "fly the coop" and end up forming a new family with the pigeons who "take them under their wings"! Also, they're all white supremacists.
The story of Eli Whitney and the cotton gin, set in the year 2500 and performed by an all-transgender cast.
Using tough love and high standards, an unconventional teacher inspires a motley group of students to defy expectations and make yet another movie exactly like The Great Debaters, Stand And Deliver, Dangerous Minds, Lean On Me, Freedom Writers, and To Sir, With Love.
Biopic that would have chronicled the meteoric rise, adrenaline and addiction-fueled lifestyle, and gloriously tragic demise of Wendy’s spokeswoman Clara Peller.
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Romantic comedy. An anthropology grad student finds an unlikely soulmate among a group of primitive mountain people living untouched by Western civilization, but is forced to win him back after her slight head cold wipes out everyone else in his tribe.
An expanded, 2-hour "Spit It Out, Carl!" in which Macklin and Burwell would have investigated a death at a New Year's party, while desperately trying to keep the DNA-laden party hats out of a certain co-worker's gullet.
A suspense thriller with a shocking twist. At the very end of the movie, the frustrated detective has the sickening realization that he is in fact not a police detective, but a blueberry muffin with delusions of grandeur. (On repeated viewings of the movie, the audience would have noticed that Det. Barry Muffin was never NOT seen on the counter of the precinct break room.)
Two department-store Santas compete in a cutthroat road rally from Santa Fe, New Mexico to Santa Barbara, California. But when a jolly old mechanic in red coveralls mysteriously shows up to help them with their cars, they just might learn the true meaning of Christmas.
Murder mystery. Twelve characters board a chartered yacht for a dinner party -- an hour later, one winds up dead. Which guest was the killer? Was it Baron Von Bromeier, the greedy land-owner? Or Vanessa, the socialite with a dark secret? Or the guy with the eyepatch? Or Klaus, the mysterious ex-spy? A classic "Whichonedidit".
Ryan Seacrest would have hosted this holiday special featuring the festively embalmed corpses of Robert Goulet, Ike Turner, Dan Fogelberg, Marcel Marceau, and Evel Knievel (flung by catapult over 50 Christmas trees). Plus a special beat-box performance by living “American Idol” runner-up Blake Lewis!
In the vein of "Friday Night Lights". A sports-based character drama about a high school baseball player frustrated with the progress of his physical relationship with his girlfriend.
Biopic about Swedish political figure Svingen Linnarp, who overcame poverty and illness to be immortalized in a line of storage and display furniture at Ikea.
Disney Channel series about a group of plucky eleven-year-olds living in a rundown low-income housing building. Would've starred Zac Efron's little brother Ric.
Tell you what, some of the things that happen in his office, with all the crazy people who work there… now, that should be a sitcom.
TV movie. A cautionary tale about a seventh-grade boy who starts smoking, and soon is so popular that he becomes sexually active with multiple partners (thereby putting himself at risk for STD's).
Unconventional biopic of “The Lady In Red” singer Chris De Burgh, featuring six different actors playing the languid tunesmith at various stages of his career. (Before the strike, this project had generated considerable buzz within the De Burgh family.)
Based on the success of the Peanuts animated special, this “instant classic” would have brought you the holiday as celebrated by whatever that character’s name is, if she even has one. Look out, any Pilgrims who are turning 40!
Adapted from the hit BBC comedy that cleverly explored issues of class in modern British society. The American version would have been about New Yorkers trying to get laid.
A Disney family comedy that would've starred ultimate fighter Chuck Liddell as a lifelong bachelor suddenly forced to care for an unruly but lovable pack of septuplets (several of whom have serious medical conditions due to their premature birth).
