As every fan of watching things on screens is aware, the Writers Guild of America (WGA) has struck, or perhaps stricken, against the Alliance of Motion Picture, Television, and Made-For-Television Motion Picture Producers (AMPTMFTMPP).

As WGA members, we vow not to commit any of our brilliant ideas to the page until the studios capitulate to our demands. We refuse to draw upon our vast creative resources, which include one shared copy of Final Draft software and a vocabulary chock full of words like "capitulate," "chock full," and "lest." Lest America forget what it's missing out on, here’s WHAT WE’RE NOT WRITING today:

(To tell the world what you're not writing during the strike, click here.)

Friday, November 30, 2007

Please Note:

If we weren't on strike, today we would have had a lunch meeting with someone to discuss some project that probably never would've ended up happening. Instead, we’re having lunch alone at Panera (G: Bacon Turkey Bravo, J: Broccoli Cheddar in a bread bowl), and we're not discussing any project at all, so it definitely won’t happen. And we have to pay for ourselves. And we probably can’t even write it off.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

"Wait, What'd I Miss?"

A "24"-style real-time action series in which all the key plot points happen during the commercial breaks.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


A modern re-imagining of the Bay Of Pigs Invasion, set in high school.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

"Bloody Good"

A detective in Chicago’s Violent Crimes Unit investigates the mystery of why his voice-over has a slight British accent.

Monday, November 26, 2007

“I’m Not There Either”

Unconventional biopic of “The Lady In Red” singer Chris De Burgh, featuring six different actors playing the languid tunesmith at various stages of his career. (Before the strike, this project had generated considerable buzz within the De Burgh family.)

Friday, November 23, 2007

"Pins And Needles"

A fast-paced comedy intercutting between four guys on a bowling team and four heroin addicts in a Skid Row shooting gallery. Shows that people are all really the same, and all of our hobbies are equally valid.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

“It’s Thanksgiving, Cantankerous Old Lady From The Greeting Cards”

Based on the success of the Peanuts animated special, this “instant classic” would have brought you the holiday as celebrated by whatever that character’s name is, if she even has one. Look out, any Pilgrims who are turning 40!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

"Small Plates, Big Problems"

Feature screenplay. A petty thief on the run from the mob hides out by opening a tapas bar.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

"Around The World"

Drama series that follows six people from diverse cultures and backgrounds who get together every Sunday and watch “The Amazing Race.”

Monday, November 19, 2007

"Logged In!"

A computer programmer is struck by lightning and gains the power to check his e-mail without using his password.

Friday, November 16, 2007

"The Canoodling"

In this horror film, zombies would've risen from the grave to "smooch 'n' cuddle" with the residents of a small New England town.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

"A Cup Of Tea At Me Mate's Flat"

Adapted from the hit BBC comedy that cleverly explored issues of class in modern British society. The American version would have been about New Yorkers trying to get laid.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

"Seven Help Me"

A Disney family comedy that would've starred ultimate fighter Chuck Liddell as a lifelong bachelor suddenly forced to care for an unruly but lovable pack of septuplets (several of whom have serious medical conditions due to their premature birth).

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


A buddy show about two cops, one with overactive sweat glands, and the other with a chronic case of cotton mouth.

Monday, November 12, 2007

"Every Which Way Including Loose"

The 1978 movie pulled out almost all the stops, but that won’t cut it in “Extreme ‘07”! Rest assured, in this remake, one of the many ways the guy and his orangutan would have gone would definitely have been loose.

Friday, November 9, 2007

"Venti Nonfat Pumpkin Spice Latte"

A character-based one-hour drama about a couple whose marriage is torn apart by the death of their son. Project would have received some promotional consideration from Starbucks.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

"Fly Off The Wall"

Ever wonder what your life would look like as seen by a housefly? Don't answer yet! Now what if it wasn't just any fly, but a wacky free spirit who is NOT afraid to go there! (A computer-animated half-hour comedy that would've featured the voice of "Canadian Bacon's" Kevin Pollak.)

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

"Spit It Out, Carl!"

A forensics team attempts to solve crimes despite the fact that their assistant keeps accidentally eating the evidence.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

"Captain Perv"

Big-budget summer blockbuster based on the popular Marvel Comics character.

Monday, November 5, 2007


An hour-long action/sci-fi pilot about a man with the strength of an elephant. Or maybe an elephant with the intelligence of a human. You’ll never know.